It's been so long...

I feel like it has been forever since I last wrote my thoughts down in the form of a blog. Sorry. Why is it that when you feel like you are on the right track, you get knocked down again? I think everyone has experienced that a time or two.

Lately, I have just been out of it! I was kind of sick over the weekend, headache, stomach hurts, cold, little fever maybe? Just out of it. The weekend was so busy, I barely remember it. Lets see.. there was, a wedding, the pool, a reception, some UFC, fireworks, church, dinner, drinks, friends... lots of stuff. Needless to say, I was on the same page as the rest of the world when I had to go back to work today.

So like I said a while ago, I've been wrestling with some anxiety issues and just basic growing pains. I find myself often wondering how I got to the place where I am. When I grew up, when I didn't live at home anymore, when I was done with high school, and now college. It just all happened so fast! I guess what I have been learning more than anything, is that sometimes nothing makes sense. Even though it seems like it should- it just doesn't. I see so much tragedy and brokenness around me, everywhere I go, we all do. None of it makes sense, but that doesn't take God off of His throne. It is not comforting to know that life is always going to change, something is always going to go wrong and something will always be hard. The comfort that we must run after is the promise God gave us. Why is this so hard for me to hang onto? Through all of these emotions that have been surfacing recently, that is what God is teaching me. To hang onto Him- even when I can't see him, I don't feel him, I can't hear him. He's real, and saving my life daily.

It still doesn't make sense, but knowing that God knows my life and whats ahead is all that I should need anyways. So I'm going with it, with all of my heart. "Trust in the Lord with All of your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr