Thursday, August 26, 2010

I never knew the day would come...

Tomorrow will be Grant's first Varsity Football game.

I have a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about this. Since before I can remember, going to watch Grant play sports of any kind has been such a joy to me. I loved going with my parents to baseball or basketball tournaments, and I loved watching Grant play football- even when he was so young and such a baby!!! Through out college, I would go home every possible chance (every week) during football season to watch this kid play football. I was always, and still am, SO proud of him.

I have been trying to prepare myself for tomorrow for a long time. I don't think anyone really understands how bad I want to be there. Like- I would have done anything to be there. Why though, does God allow that to not happen? It doesn't seem like there is a very good reason for it- but there has to be. God is using this, or will use this to teach me something or grow a different part of me.

I'll probably cry tomorrow, like I did today and the day before, just thinking about all the games I have watched Grant play, and now.. his big Varsity debut... I miss. Geez- I sound pretty depressing don't I? It's very hard for me not to be there. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all of your ways acknowledge him and he will keep your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. I need to do this. My faith is so weak and little. I know what is truth, but I struggle to live it. I know what is life, but I struggle to find it. I know where my help comes from... I just have to let it.

I know tomorrow night at 7pm when Grant marches out there on the field in Blue and Gold withe the rest of the Birch Run Panthers, a new era begins in his life. I did get the privilege to drop him off a football camp this last time I was home. I know it sounds crazy- and I'm not his mom- but it felt like I had just let one of my own go! I cried rather heavily as I drove away recounting all of the times I dropped him off to football practice every summer in years past.

My brother and sister are my best friends. There is not anything that has ever come between us. We have been through thick and thin, through the best of times and the worst of times and we are still standing. I am so thankful and so blessed to be called their sister- and I hope they know every day, no matter how far away from them I am- how deeply I love them.

I always wondered where I would be when Grant started playing Varsity football. I never thought I'd miss it. I never thought I'd be here. I never knew the day would come... but it's here!

Grant- #20! I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to see you play. I love you so much!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

8 Months ago today..

Today was Wednesday. I did something kind of funny today. I went on a tour of a hair school [[Regency Beauty Institute]]. AGAIN. I've been to several different hair schools and visited. Each one I feel as though I was meant to be there. It's really interesting because at this point it seems nearly impossible to do? I've wanted to do hair since I was in high school. God has ordained my steps though. If I would have went to Cosmetology school and skipped out on SAU, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would have missed out on the experience that I consider the best days of my life. Anyways, I walked out of there confident that I will do hair some day, I just don't know when.

I was able to tour the school before work this morning because Wednesday's are days when I work from 11am -8pm. SICK. I hate working those hours. I seriously think I am going to go crazy when I'm there that late some time. One new development since the last blog post... I got a new job! Starting September 7, 2010 I will be a Financial Aid Officer for The Art Institute of Austin. I'm pretty excited about it. It's a new challenge, something to get my wheels turning again in my mind.

Tomorrow marks 8 months from the day I pulled out of my moms driveway and left for Texas. I can still see her, Braylon and Grant in the review mirrors. As hard as that is to think about, I know it was the right decision. I forget so often how the Lord brought me here. I forget that God is never going to bring me to a place and just leave me there. When I was at camp this last month, my cousin Kelly encouraged me to, " grow where you are planted." I have had a hard time forgetting that. God has planted me in Austin, Texas with Josh Rickard. We are surrounded by people who love us, care about us, and who would do anything for us. I feel so guilty because I have been so unfaithful in doubting that God has a plan for me, for my life and for my future with Josh and my family.

I have a busy weekend coming up, and a lot to look forward too. This weekend is jam packed with a night out downtown with Josh for a going away party :), working all day Saturday and catching up with a great mentor and friend Jenn, and then church and Chelsea's lingerie shower on Sunday [[which I am cooking all of the food for... YIKES]].

A week from tomorrow- Abby and Braylon fly in!! Wow- I can say that my level of excitement is through the roof. I am so excited to have them all to myself.

I'm so blessed, and my prayer is that I would not forget that. That we would all count our blessings and know that our life is to be lived for the Glory of God, and everything else will fall into place... it always does.

xO. Em

Friday, August 6, 2010

time will rob you blind.

It is indeed that time of year. Wedding bells are ringing and girls all over the country are putting on their big white dresses and walking down the aisle starting a whole new journey in life. Tomorrow one of my best friends from my childhood is getting married. My sister and I are in the wedding. This is the first one of my "good friends" other than my sister and a friend from college that has gotten married. As I sit here the night before her wedding- I can't help but think of all of the memories we have together. All of the times we (Becky and I) would drive around in her car or mine, or walk to each others house or ride fourwheelers together. We were neighbors (about a mile apart) and spent a lot of time together growing up. I never realized that a day would come when both of us would get married. When we would stop being our daddy's little girls. I had this same reality hit me when my sister got married. Marriage is a big thing. The older I get, the more I realize that it's not just a fairy tail. That it is not just about the wedding- but it's about the marriage that comes after the wedding. I hope nothing but the best for Becky and Vince, and I pray that God would lead them in a direction ending in His arms.

Of course, since I am in this wedding, I am home in Michigan again. Last week I was home for Simpson Park Camp for about 5 days. It was nice to be at my moms for a while and then to get to spend some time in Romeo, MI with the other half of the family. As you can imagine, 2 trips from Texas to Michigan in the last week have been a bit tiring. I love it though. I really needed this time to be with my family and be "home" for a while. Austin is becoming more and more like "my" home- but it will never be home. Coming to Birch Run and being around my family and just in the cool Michigan weather is a unmistakable feeling that nothing can replace. I feel as though for the first time in a long time, I enjoy being here. As I sit here and watch Grant playing video games in his room-- I am reminded again at how much time has passed. I feel like I'm 18 still- but then that would make him 10 and we all know that he is not 10. He is 5'8 and solid muscle weighing in at 130lbs- ON VARSITY FOOTBALL. My word- wasn't he just learning how to ride a bike in our front yard while I laid on the grass trying to figure out what the clouds looked like that day? More recently- it has scared me how quickly the time goes. For so long I "couldn't wait" for so many things. I am not at the point where I just want to slow it all down. If you know me, you know I would never say something like that. Every day though, I have to face the reality that life is going to keep going. Things are going to keep changing and I, as well as everyone around me, is going to keep getting older. It can be fun though-- I just have to let it be!

Tomorrow is the big day for Becky. Makes me wonder what it will feel like when it's my big day. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though- I think I'll just go finish my homework for now. ;) Pictures of Becky's wedding- to come!

Have a great weekend- whoever you are.