Tomorrow will be Grant's first Varsity Football game.
I have a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about this. Since before I can remember, going to watch Grant play sports of any kind has been such a joy to me. I loved going with my parents to baseball or basketball tournaments, and I loved watching Grant play football- even when he was so young and such a baby!!! Through out college, I would go home every possible chance (every week) during football season to watch this kid play football. I was always, and still am, SO proud of him.
I have been trying to prepare myself for tomorrow for a long time. I don't think anyone really understands how bad I want to be there. Like- I would have done anything to be there. Why though, does God allow that to not happen? It doesn't seem like there is a very good reason for it- but there has to be. God is using this, or will use this to teach me something or grow a different part of me.
I'll probably cry tomorrow, like I did today and the day before, just thinking about all the games I have watched Grant play, and now.. his big Varsity debut... I miss. Geez- I sound pretty depressing don't I? It's very hard for me not to be there. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all of your ways acknowledge him and he will keep your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. I need to do this. My faith is so weak and little. I know what is truth, but I struggle to live it. I know what is life, but I struggle to find it. I know where my help comes from... I just have to let it.
I know tomorrow night at 7pm when Grant marches out there on the field in Blue and Gold withe the rest of the Birch Run Panthers, a new era begins in his life. I did get the privilege to drop him off a football camp this last time I was home. I know it sounds crazy- and I'm not his mom- but it felt like I had just let one of my own go! I cried rather heavily as I drove away recounting all of the times I dropped him off to football practice every summer in years past.
My brother and sister are my best friends. There is not anything that has ever come between us. We have been through thick and thin, through the best of times and the worst of times and we are still standing. I am so thankful and so blessed to be called their sister- and I hope they know every day, no matter how far away from them I am- how deeply I love them.
I always wondered where I would be when Grant started playing Varsity football. I never thought I'd miss it. I never thought I'd be here. I never knew the day would come... but it's here!
Grant- #20! I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to see you play. I love you so much!