"He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I will come out like Gold."
It's a good thing that God see's us through our storms. Sometimes I forget. More recently I have just not been able to understand. With a lack of understanding comes a lack of control- and I really hate that. Who doesn't though, right? After living in Texas for about 6.5 months, I think God is totally making me new, and allowing me to see life from a different set of eyes. I've realized more in the last month or two than I have probably in my whole life. It's almost like I've had a mid-life/quarter life crisis and epiphany all at the same time. I'm at a place where God is doing awesome things, and performing miracles in my life daily- but I have felt to consumed with reality and fear to notice. I have been praying to God for help and for comfort, when all along I just had to believe. I think I was/am having a difficult time with that because I don't understand. Faith- believing in what you do not see- in what you do not understand. God did not ask me to understand. He asked me to have faith. Sometimes, I feel as though my fear and anxiety literally takes over my life. The point that it got to recently, really showed me how much I rely on myself and other people way to much- and I don't rely on God nearly enough. Talking with Mary last night, we both came to the conclusion that it was almost like God was saying, " You say that you believe in me and that you believe in what I can do- but do you really?" Ouch. I just moved out of my apartment that I was living in by myself, in with one of my close friends here in Austin, Mary. It has honestly been such a blessing, even in the 3 days i've been here. God knew that I needed to live with someone, and he provided a girl take over my lease within a matter of minutes of my asking. Amazing. The move was smooth, and although I am not unpacked, I feel great about being here. It is hard when you go from having 6 roommates to 0. Even in the storms, and the confusion, God has provided for me. Mary has said numerous times that the one thing getting her through lifes storm right now is the ways that "God has shown up- in big and small ways." She is dead on. As I am getting a bit older now, God is teaching me about myself and about who I am moving forward. God is teaching me who He really is- and although it's going to be beautiful- it's not easy. Psalm 121- I life my eyes to the hills- my help comes from the Lord.