Good morning! Yes, it is morning and I am blogging in bed! On Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't have to go into work until 11am. Sometimes I love it- sometimes I don't love it. Today, I kind of like it because I finally felt good enough to just lay in bed and be lazy. I haven't been able to do that for so long. I kept thinking that I needed to get up and go for a run or read all of my bible or the two books I am trying to finish that I carry with me everywhere I go. Instead, I just laid here. Dozed in and out of sleep and caught myself praying for certain things. I've been really challenged with God, prayer, faithfulness and hope- and what that all means recently and it bothered me so much I couldn't relax. It has finally occurred to me that it isn't a bad thing for me to be wrestling with these things. It's okay, the answers just don't come as easy and and as freely as they used to.
Yesterday, God kind showed me in an indirect way how he was providing for me and he was in charge of my every step. About two months ago I was offered a new position at the school/company I work for in a different department than I was currently in. I accepted the position and have been enjoying it. The old position that I left, was eliminated as of yesterday. I would be out of a job right now. God was so gracious to me and protected me from that stress and chaos before it even happened. My heart was really heavy yesterday for my co-workers who had the bear that hard news, and I hope for them all the best. I have been quick to fear and doubt and this has shown me that God's will in my life is for good.
It was chilly in Austin yesterday! It made me feel like I was home, and it was fall. I wasn't home though, I was here in Austin. This past month I have been working really hard to live in Austin. God has planted me here. I need to bloom. I need to grow. I want to love it here. God why is it so far away from my family? I get scared that I will never live near them again and that all of my love for them doesn't matter any more- because it's my lot in life to live far. I don't care how many people do it or like to do it, I don't like it. I don't want to live overseas or across the country. If that is what God has for me- I will do it and I'm sure it will be great. My prayer is that at some point I will be in driving distance from my family again. I hope it's not a selfish prayer- that has all of the wrong intentions. I desire for my family to know Jesus and understand what it means to fear the Lord and desire eternity with him. I want to see it and be a part of it, not just hear about life through the phone. Sometimes Josh and I can't seem to see this in the same way. He will go anywhere. Live anywhere. Do anything. He has an adventurous soul. He wants to leave a footprint and touch the lives of many. I do too, but I still want to be able to hug my parents and hang out with my sister and bro. I know I worry too much about the future, it just seems so short sometimes. This- is why I struggle to bloom here. So this is my shot today, to wake up and smell the fresh 70 degree air outside- TRUST GOD and just be here, live here, grow here, bloom here- where God has planted me.