You're ok.

psalms 121:

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

If you read this- I hope you are encouraged. I feel as though many of my friends and family, myself included, are in the midst of troubled times. This verse has been my glue- the words, inspired by God, to hold me together. I'm often presented with the idea that we as human beings "can't do this anymore." Awesome, but not true. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. You can't wake up another day, to face another hard miserable day? You can. The relationship that Christ wants to have with you is an intimate one. Every morning- ask God for his hand in the day. Knowing that we don't have to rely only on ourselves for anything is something hard to grasp. It's cool though, because if you let it happen and you trust in the word of the Lord, the hard times will still be there... but your holding the hand of Jesus this time- and you're ok.

Job 23:10

"He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I will come out like Gold."

It's a good thing that God see's us through our storms. Sometimes I forget. More recently I have just not been able to understand. With a lack of understanding comes a lack of control- and I really hate that. Who doesn't though, right? After living in Texas for about 6.5 months, I think God is totally making me new, and allowing me to see life from a different set of eyes. I've realized more in the last month or two than I have probably in my whole life. It's almost like I've had a mid-life/quarter life crisis and epiphany all at the same time. I'm at a place where God is doing awesome things, and performing miracles in my life daily- but I have felt to consumed with reality and fear to notice. I have been praying to God for help and for comfort, when all along I just had to believe. I think I was/am having a difficult time with that because I don't understand. Faith- believing in what you do not see- in what you do not understand. God did not ask me to understand. He asked me to have faith. Sometimes, I feel as though my fear and anxiety literally takes over my life. The point that it got to recently, really showed me how much I rely on myself and other people way to much- and I don't rely on God nearly enough. Talking with Mary last night, we both came to the conclusion that it was almost like God was saying, " You say that you believe in me and that you believe in what I can do- but do you really?" Ouch. I just moved out of my apartment that I was living in by myself, in with one of my close friends here in Austin, Mary. It has honestly been such a blessing, even in the 3 days i've been here. God knew that I needed to live with someone, and he provided a girl take over my lease within a matter of minutes of my asking. Amazing. The move was smooth, and although I am not unpacked, I feel great about being here. It is hard when you go from having 6 roommates to 0. Even in the storms, and the confusion, God has provided for me. Mary has said numerous times that the one thing getting her through lifes storm right now is the ways that "God has shown up- in big and small ways." She is dead on. As I am getting a bit older now, God is teaching me about myself and about who I am moving forward. God is teaching me who He really is- and although it's going to be beautiful- it's not easy. Psalm 121- I life my eyes to the hills- my help comes from the Lord.

It's been so long...

I feel like it has been forever since I last wrote my thoughts down in the form of a blog. Sorry. Why is it that when you feel like you are on the right track, you get knocked down again? I think everyone has experienced that a time or two.

Lately, I have just been out of it! I was kind of sick over the weekend, headache, stomach hurts, cold, little fever maybe? Just out of it. The weekend was so busy, I barely remember it. Lets see.. there was, a wedding, the pool, a reception, some UFC, fireworks, church, dinner, drinks, friends... lots of stuff. Needless to say, I was on the same page as the rest of the world when I had to go back to work today.

So like I said a while ago, I've been wrestling with some anxiety issues and just basic growing pains. I find myself often wondering how I got to the place where I am. When I grew up, when I didn't live at home anymore, when I was done with high school, and now college. It just all happened so fast! I guess what I have been learning more than anything, is that sometimes nothing makes sense. Even though it seems like it should- it just doesn't. I see so much tragedy and brokenness around me, everywhere I go, we all do. None of it makes sense, but that doesn't take God off of His throne. It is not comforting to know that life is always going to change, something is always going to go wrong and something will always be hard. The comfort that we must run after is the promise God gave us. Why is this so hard for me to hang onto? Through all of these emotions that have been surfacing recently, that is what God is teaching me. To hang onto Him- even when I can't see him, I don't feel him, I can't hear him. He's real, and saving my life daily.

It still doesn't make sense, but knowing that God knows my life and whats ahead is all that I should need anyways. So I'm going with it, with all of my heart. "Trust in the Lord with All of your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

My Beloved

I think that in order to trust Jesus, and to know that God indeed does love us and have us in the palm of His hands...we need to know how He feels about us- what he see's when he looks at us. There are so many people in our lives that directly affect the way we see ourselves. The mistakes me make throughout our lives make us feel as though we can never be loved again. We continually beat ourselves up for things in the past that can be wiped clean once we can fall at the feet of our Lord Jesus, confess our sin, and walk forward with Jesus.

We have done nothing to deserve the Love and the option to Trust a Lord that is so gracious and patient. The beautiful part about that is we get to. We get to choose everyday to walk worthy, to love the Lord and to allow God to use us for the good of the Kingdom.

Consider the words to this song, as a love letter from Christ. When I listen to this song I like to close my eyes and imagine God in all of his glory- singing this to me.

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

"Come rest in me and be made whole- I see no stain on you My child." I love it. Jesus is so cool--- today, yesterday, tomorrow--- I am loved, and I am cared for and I am protected and forgiven and chosen and taken care of. I get to cast all of my cares- all of my worry- all of my anxiety down at the feet of a powerful God. It seems like I would not have to remind myself of this on a daily basis, but I do. Be so very encouraged that although life is hard, it can still be good- and rich- and full of JOY.

one love. em.

money money money moneyyy

Morning! I thought I would try blogging in the morning on days like today... where I don' t have to go into work until 11 :) The only bad part about those days is I don't get home until 8- and that's dumb.

So my phone rang at 5:37 this morning, of course I thought someone was like in trouble or something. It was my mom. A while ago- during tax season, I reminded her of a tax credit that we could get from my paying tuition all last year. If you know anything about taxes- it's a pretty big credit. Anyways- long story short, my mom learned that God always provides, always protects and always will meet you right where you are at. Without going into to much detail, mom was down to not a lot of $$$ and that check came this morning just at the right time. It is so awesome when God see's our needs, when he hears our cries and see's us giving everything we have-- and responds. I have heard so many stories throughout my life of people who are down to their last dollar- and they give it away. It is seriously one of my favorite things to see that restored and to see God give it back double what it was given in His name. My Aunt Prudie always tells me, " You can never out give God." I am so convicted by this today because of how I am managing my money. I just got out of college 6 months ago and I am making more money than I ever thought I would be starting out. In college, I went months without buying groceries because I had to many other expenses and such a small income. I have really been doing a poor job, if you wanted to know, about giving back to the Lord what is already his. Monetarily, I don't honor God. I obsess over money and the lack of it for things I truly desire. I don't believe that God is the God of all of my money and my desires and that he indeed will provide for them if it is HIS WILL. 1 Peter 1:14 says, " As obedient children do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance (before you knew the awesome news of Jesus!). 15- But just as he who called you is holy, be holy in all that you do, for it is written, "Be Holy because I am holy."

That can apply to so many other things in this life. "Be Holy Because I am Holy." That basically answers all of our questions about why we should follow Christ, and why we should die to ourselves everyday and be different than the rest of the world. Because Christ is Holy.

I hope you all have an amazing day. The sun is shining and there are clear blue skies here. Thank you Jesus- what a wonderful maker.

Sunday, greatday.

Sunday's do always turn out to be my favorite day of the week. When I lived in the house I grew up in, Sundays were always the day that we went to church as a family, came home did some yard work or played outside, and parents made a sweet meal. Usually roast or something. That is a good memory :) Thanks mom and dad. When I lived at school, Sunday would start out with a bunch of girly roommates buzzing around trying to get ready for church, but so tired from staying up till 3am watching movies, eating popcorn and inhaling ice cream. Gosh, THOSE were the days. I miss college. When I lived in Nashville, Sundays were AWESOME! Aunt P and I would eat egg sandwiches, drink some amazing coffee, and head out the door to church. After an always amazing service we would either get lunch or go home and make some left-overs, and if you know how she cooks- even leftovers are to die for. After eating, NAP TIME! Never did it fail, then a wake up, maybe go for a walk or just lay on the couch and hang out for the rest of the night, watch Reba lol ;) Wow- Sunday's have always just been the best day of the week. They seem to be the days that last the longest, too. Maybe because I want it to last the longest because I know Monday is right around the corner.

Now, Sundays are much different. In Austin, my Sunday consists of waking up earlier than I do to go to work in order to get ready and pick up Josh to make it downtown by 8:30 or 9. Usually we get a little treat and stop at Starbucks for coffee :) Being a part of the set up crew at church for the last couple of months has been a blessing. Sometimes I Don't always stick around, and I just wander around the downtown area of Austin and spend some quite time overlooking Town Lake with the Lord. Today it was so clear to me that I was right where I was supposed to be. My relationships with people at church have gone so much deeper than surface level and I feel such a sense of friendship and belonging. This was the first Sunday I had gone to church on my own with out Josh and it didn't even cross my mind to not go. It is just as my the church I go to as it is the church Josh goes to. I loved it. I was able to kind of share with the church today what God has been doing in my life and how God is revealing himself to me, even in the midst of a really deep inner struggle. There is something about saying out loud to people what you have been going through that makes it more real and valid. It also helps to say things like that out loud to people and confess what it is that is going on in order to actually accept the outcome and move FORWARD!!! YAY!! One thing that took me by surprise today was when I picked up Joshua from the airport. God has shown me so much grace and mercy always, and everyday I was choosing to tell God that "I TRUST YOU" or "I know this is out of my control- God PLEASE walk with me through this." There is something about my relationship with Josh that makes me want to take control again. I was reminded today, when Josh got in the car, that this relationship is NOT mine. I am not the one who created myself or Josh, and I am not the one who knows where our lives will end up. I could feel it all up in my chest that I was trying to not only take control back from God about Josh, but mentally I was already freaking out. WHAAT!! Not long after, I was able to remind myself that "I am HIS (God's) and He is MINE." Meaning- I can't control life, and the minute I try to take that control back from the one who controls the Thunderstorms, the oceans and all of the worlds shooting stars :)-- I start to fall to pieces. One verse that is SO amazing when thinking about being near or far to the Lord is in Romans 8

" For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus." ( vs 38).

Awesome. We can try and control anything we want. I have yet to succeed at being in control ANY part of my life. The great part is, God still loves us. There is NOTHING we can do that would make him love us less. Thats why it is so cool that when I tried to take that control back from Jesus today, I was reminded that it won't work- God loves me enough to remind me that our only answer, our only hope- is to let GO and let GOD be in control.

I so don't deserve that kind of Love... I better not let it go to waste.

Good News.

For those of you who read this blog and dwell in the northern region aka Michigan, I have something that may be rather enticing about the southern half of the country. Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not believe that there is such a thing as Ross "Dress For Less" up there. My friend Crystal took me to Ross while the guys were at band practice one day. She was pregnant and needed to look for some cheap shirts or something, but she also mentioned that i was shoe week. Long story short, I feel like every week is shoe week at Ross. There is one around every corner and the it seems as tho the options are endless. I really scored today at a new Ross Location with a pair of 'Jessica Simpsons' and 'Guess' Shoes. Both for an exceptionally low price ;) Praise God- I couldn't be happier, I love me some shoes.
After spending too much money at the dress for less place, I made my way over to my friends house who was having people over for dinner. My heart was warm tonight as I left as well. Dinner was amazing, and the company was fantastic. I realized something as I sat around my friends dinner table, drinking a lovely cocktail and talking with two outstanding women about people, faith, Jesus and hardship. I realized that I like where I live. It has been a process of trying to figure out what I am feeling right now- but God really showed me tonight that friends, and community and laughter are the things that make life rich and full. Although in Michigan, I had all of those things, God wanted to give me more. He wants to always give us more. I was so blessed by the people at the house tonight. My friend who's house we were at is going through a divorce. Her house needed to be put back together and 3 couples who are dear friends to her all were there. They were there picking up the pieces, holding her hand, making her dinner, helping her laugh and loving on her like I've never seen. In that moment of seeing these people moving furniture, cooking dinner, fixing ceiling fans and keeping normalcy-- I felt at peace. It was almost like the Lord had said, "Emily it is okay to be here- I love you and I am keeping you." I've always struggled with guilt. I felt guilty for leaving my family, my friends, my HOUSE that i grew up in, my dogs... my hometown. Feeling guilty keeps us from being happy. Feeling guilty is not what God has laid out for us, and it's not how he wants us to live. I feel like I have been holding myself back from experiencing the emotion of joy and happiness for years now. Even though the Lord has and is continuing to bless me, I find myself not able to rejoice in fear of making other people feel bad because of where they are at in life. If we go through life, never rejoicing in what the Lord has done, no one will see what He can and will do. [[Lightbulb goes off]]. I love where I live, I love my boyfriend, I love these people that God surrounds me with wherever I go. It is only because of his love that I am where I am right at this moment.

At the end of the day, I sit here in my bed and while I try to think about 400 different things, the one thing that stands out to me now more than ever is that God never leaves us. Wherever we go, He goes first and he prepares a place for us. I rest in knowing that God brought me here to Austin, and that wherever you are-- he knew you were going to be there. Good or bad, He knows where you are and what your heart is beating for and what it is feeling like. The good news of God... "The kingdom of God is near. Repent (turn away from sin, and run into the arms of Christ) and BELIEVE the good news." Mark 1:15. "... and surely I am with you always, till the very end of the age." Matt. 28:20.

love.